Loneliness is not immediately obvious.
It is important to understand how we became lonely, is the path can be unexpected and different for many people.
Unwanted Solitude
The effect of social isolation is emotional loneliness. This leads to numb, frozen people.
Dangerously Numb
Numb means we can’t feel pain. We don’t realize we’re screwed.
This numbness of loneliness kills, literally.
The real cure for loneliness is friendship — deep, enriching, beautiful, longterm friendship.
The Power of Friendship
The best use of your time in terms of how much it will impact your life — emotionally, physically, and spiritually — has been verifiably shown to be investing in deepening your relationships. Cited from The Harvard Study and Lifespan Research Foundation, “Using Research to Promote Human Thriving”
Three factors for strong friendships (Alex Williams, “Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?”):
- Proximity
- Unplanned interactions
- Vulnerability
The first two are easy. Vulnerability is hard.
Mastering the art of the hang
Create the hang in your own image and ask great questions.
Fire, literally, is pretty useful.
Your job description is to be a good question asker.
Example: What is something you’ve grown more passionate about in the last five years, and what’s something you’ve grown less passionate about in the last five years?
Don’t underestimate how important it is to dig a little deeper during these conversations.
Staying present in the world of screens
- Smartphones demand our constant attention
- TV / Media shape our mind and imagination
- Long commutes consume so much of our energy
Resisting a life of fragmentation
We must understand how relationships work. We must nurture the love around us day by day, or it will die day by day.
Strats:
- Be present, avoid distractions especially from your phone.
- Participate with friends, and be flexible to spontaneous things daily.
Try creating one whimsy moment a day
- Love the place I live in (be present, aware, and available)
Relationships are indispensible
You were created for community. You were designed for friendship.
God invites us to be in community with him! The Triune God is inherently communal.
Takeaways
Loneliness will literally kill us.
We are designed for friendships and are an incredibly important part of our life which we must exercise and strengthen. Three keys to strong friendship:
- Proximity - Love the place around me
- Unplanned Interaction - Be flexible to the spontaneous
- Vulnerability - Be present, ask good questions.
The hardest part is being vulnerable, which is achieved by hanging out intentionally and regularly; prayerfully asking the right questions and digging deep into each other’s lives. It’s not just about me being vulnerable, but inviting those around us to join in vulnerability.